thirty

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I’ve spent a little bit of time each day for the past few weeks trying to think of something to write for my 30th and I’ve settled on this: I’ve had a pretty amazing life.

I haven’t always thought this. I used to think my life was rather plain, and boring; average. I bought into the idea that “things will be better when…” and “things would be better if…”. More money, a better job, getting married, having children, a new President, a better economy, just a little more time…

When you play that game, there is always something else. As Zig Ziglar says, “Money won’t make you happy… but everybody wants to find out for themselves.”

Loneliness and depression are no strangers to me, and yet, I can honestly say I’m happy. Not a “well, there are people worse off than me” kind of happy, which is really just an illusion, but a really content kind of happy. Good or bad, win or lose, up or down, this is my life. When I wake up tomorrow I’ll still be me, and that will continue (Lord willing) for another 30 years and then another 30 years. It’s about time I got used to it :-)

In Martin Tupper’s poem “Never Give Up” there is the line:

“Providence wisely has mingled the cup…”

Good or bad, win or lose, up or down, this is the life God has prepared for me. It was custom fit, made to measure, no one can borrow it because it simply won’t fit. When I think of Who has given me this life, Who it was that “knitted me together in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139:13) I am reminded that my life is anything but average and it is certainly not plain or boring.

Don’t get me wrong—I still want more. I want a wife and I want children, and I want to own a house and so many other things—and with great passion—but this is what I’ve been given, by a loving and wise God who’s had it planned out for a long time:

“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” (Psalm 139:16)

I love how it says every day—not every year or decade or a lifetime; every day. Looking forward to tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…

 

One Day

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Can’t sleep.

I think too much. I don’t mean overthinking things, I just think about a lot of things in great detail. Especially at night when I should be (was deterimined to be) asleep. But, this works out well since I’ve been neglecting my blog again. Don’t expect a theme or any consistency.

After realizing all the money I was carrying in my wallet was foreign, I decided to go to the ATM across the street a few weeks ago. For the first time in nearly two years I was charged a service fee. A three dollar service fee. Granted, it wasn’t my bank’s ATM, and my bank reimburses me for these fees, but I just found it a bit odd considering I’ve withdrawn money in Afghanistan, Belgium, France, Germany and New Zealand and never paid a service charge. It’s good to be back…

Thankfully, there aren’t very many places I need cash these days, except for the new farmer’s market that is opening up this weekend, right next to my apartment complex! If this works out, I’ll be delaying the purchase of a car by another few months because I won’t really need one. I don’t think I could have picked a better location–it takes me two minutes to walk to work, I can run along the Brazos any time I please and now the Waco Downtown Farmer’s Market will be here every Saturday all year round.

Not having a car is a bit of an inconvenience though, but putting off a purchase lets me continue to be picky. I don’t just want a “car”; there are plenty of Honda somethings and Toyota whatevers in my price range but I’m determined to buy something with a bit more character. I really do enjoy driving and I’d hate to turn it into a chore.

Not having a car makes visiting churches a bit of a challenge too, but it’s not my biggest challenge. I hate trying to find a new church. If you haven’t picked up on it, I’m picky and I think about everything which makes the process that much harder. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for perfection, if anything I’m looking for potential. I’m a bit worn out with mission statements and “purpose”–we have one purpose, to glorify God; when we’re finished with that, we can move on to those “other things”. I could go on, but then I’d have to organize my thoughts and that would mean the opposite of sleep.

Have you ever been to two churches (or five) and thought “if these two groups of people got together, it would be awesome!” It would be awesome, and one day it will be awesome, today is not that day. One day.

On Blogging and Life and Such

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It’s been a long time since I’ve written. I didn’t think I would miss it, but I do. When I stopped writing I thought “I’m tired of writing for everyone else; I’ll just write in a journal, just for me.” My assumption was that my blog was for a public audience (it was) and that its only purpose was for that audience. I now realize that it wasn’t.

I love writing. There, I’ve said it. I never really admitted it because I never thought I was any good at it. Now that I think about it, it was the reason I started blogging back in 2003.

What I love more than writing is storytelling. Who doesn’t love a good story? I have, on several occasions, chosen the road less traveled not with the hope of improving myself but simply because it would make for a great story. I’m not against character building; I just want to be able to say, “let me tell you about the time…”

Have I ever told you about the time I was on the radio in Belize with the ad hoc ‘band’ GCDC?

What about the time I got stuck for three very, very cold days in Kyrgyzstan?

Ask me about where I was when: The Towers fell, we lost Columbia, we got Bin Laden…

Remind me to tell you about the questionable Sushi/Coffee House I used to frequent in Denton.

Have I ever told you about the exact moment that God whispered to me “I love you“?

I’ve got a lot more stories to tell. Not just to entertain you, but to remind me of what an amazing life I have. It’s not so much the ‘doing‘ but rather the ‘being‘ that is pretty cool. I’m just as happy that I’ve cooked dinner and done laundry at home (my hobbies have certainly changed over the past ten years) than that I’ve traveled around the world. Don’t get me wrong, one is definitely more exciting than the others, but at the end of the day I’m just as glad that I’ve done them.